It's sobering how fast time flies... and apparently it doesn't happen only when you're having fun. It's more than 5 weeks since I last wrote! In my corner of the world, it feels like a lifetime ago.
I left the UK on 16 October, under the impression I'll be in South Africa for just 3 weeks, and that's what I
packed for.
By the time I actually go home on 28 December (God willing), I will have been here for 10 weeks. I can tell you, I'm tired of the few items of summer clothing I brought (my entire British summer wardrobe, lol).
I laughed when I wrote 'God willing' above. My grandparents used to say that - and I now completely understand why. I've made so many plans recently that just didn't happen the way I thought they would... We as humans truly just do now know what's around the next corner. Surrender is my new middle name <grin>.
The past few weeks have not been easy. I stayed with mom after Dad's funeral to help her with the mountain of admin and paperwork that needs dealing with after a death. It's truly unbelievable that one can be expected to deal with all that, when that's the very last thing a bereaved person feels like doing.
I have to admit that this journey has been extremely humbling. At some point I thought that I could keep running my practice as usual, while also dealing with hospital visits and then dad's death. Eventually the realisation kicked in that I need to step back from 'life as usual' and truly just be present for my family, and my own emotions.
There's a saying "The way we deal with anything is the way we deal with everything." That's because we take our patterns with us wherever we go.
I have large doses of the 'Responsibility' talent (of CliftonStrengths) and this talent says "Give it to me, I can and will handle
it."
I can remember doing the same ridiculous kind of thing when we were moving to the UK. A month ahead of the move, I still thought I'll keep going with my practice 'as usual' and just do a bit of packing in between. You can guess how that one worked out...
I have so many jumbled thoughts about the past few weeks, and wish I did write articles as I was going through the turbulent weeks. But truly, I just had no bandwidth.
I'm through to the other side now, thankfully. Looking back, I was just
trying to get through each day with everything that had to get done on that day. A million little tasks that I kept track of in ToDoIst, and kept ticking off as we got it done: small accomplishments kept me going.
I had to say goodbye to my mom on 13 December, to fly to Cape Town where I met up with my husband, who is visiting his
father.
What a mixed day that was... an incredibly difficult last hug with mom, and at the same time looking forward so much to see Andrew for the first time in 8 weeks. That's what life often brings, isn't it? Black and white. Difficult and easy. Lovely and awful. We need to learn to
be with both.
The day after I landed in Cape Town, I attended an EFT group tapping call and what a gift that was. I released large swathes of weeks of stress in that hour - evidenced by copious sighing and yawning - and I kept sighing for about 24 hours!
I learnt many things during this time. Some of them below:
- Resistance is futile and uncomfortable. Surrender to 'what is happening' is a better option. That does not mean it's the option that comes naturally! Sometimes surrender happens in phases. We can
just do our best with the phase we're in.
- Life can be so very humbling. My Responsibility talent was shown a thing or two... It is such a proud talent that truly believes it CAN do it all. Oh my word, how truly humbling to realise it's not so.. and also relieving. Again, big gratitude to my incredibly patient, kind
and generous clients who let me have the time I needed while I sorted out the chaotic schedule.
- It is so, so important to learn to ask for help. My talents are great for emotional support, and less amazing for ideas and practical things that needed to get done. If it wasn't for the fabulous people in my life who I
could rely on to come up with ideas and plans, I don't know where I would've been. I can remember the day I fully realised that I'll have to ask for help in a number of areas. It was fantastic to hand over those bits to people who can do those things in their sleep!
- It really came alive for me during this time, that we each
have our own special sauce that we add to situations. We need to celebrate and love the value we can bring and let go of the folly of doing it all ourselves. My sister did the most amazing job with a beautiful display at the memorial service. Ask me to do that kind of thing and I want to run away. She went to huge trouble to find just the right flowers, colours, and photo frame, and put it together so thoughtfully and creatively. I supported my mom emotionally and did some important
tapping with her the night before the service, and also an hour ahead of the service. I think that would have sent my sister over the hills. We both did what we could do best with the most ease. It worked so well to be able to rely on our best strengths. Thank you, sis!
- In any difficult day, there is always a beautiful moment (or
many). I made a point of a beach walk at least 4 times a week and tried to be fully present during that walk. I did my best to focus on the sparkles on the water, the crunchy feeling of the sand under my feet, the temperature of the air and the water, the sound of the waves... Of course, my mind often wandered again to the difficult things - and then I simply brought it back to the present moment. I tapped (EFT) very often on those beach walks. I usually felt like I could tackle any
challenge after that.
My thoughts will probably still come tumbling out over the next few months about this experience. And it will likely involve how absolutely vitally important EFT was in these 2 months! I cannot begin to describe how many times it helped me and my family process some really tough things.
Thank You,
This brings me to a heartfelt thank you for your continued presence here in my intimate community. I'm truly grateful that you spend your limited and precious time to open and read my emails and
thoughts.
May you be richly blessed over the festive and holiday season. Whatever you celebrate, may it be filled with blessings, love and kindness all around you.
We don't know what the new
year will bring - so may we surrender together, and support each other through the difficult as well as the bright times. See you in 2023 with bright, fresh energy, sparkles, a large dose of compassion and new plans (God willing)!
And to close, a small bit of beach-delight below.
