On a Personal Note

I never knew what a big discussion point the UK weather really was, till I landed in England and experienced it for myself. Every year it seems the seasons arrive at a different time. It's been a cold, wet, spring this year and our veggie garden is not yet at the same place than last year this time. 

I'm just not the type (grin, I hear an Identity issue to explore!) to prepare garden beds in rainy, grey weather... so we got started a bit (ok very) late this year. 

However, all progress is progress! So here's a pic of our little seedlings in the greenhouse, and a few bits and bobs around the garden. 

Top left: Strawberry patch. We couldn't keep up last year with picking them. 
Top right: Bramley apple blossoms. We make delicious desserts from the apples. 
Middle left: Yellow raspberry bushes. They grow like weeds! Looking forward to freezing some.
Bottom left: Lettuce. Yum. Freshly picked every day. 
Bottom right: Loads still to plant in the garden. Beans, various lettuces, gem squash, zucchini and micro greens. 

Nature reminded me: humans also expect 'spring' (new things) to arrive with tender shoots, new hope and fresh energy... and sometimes that's not what happens. The seasons of our lives sometimes take unexpected turns. And the more we resist that, the more suffering we feel. 

Of course, I'm not saying it's always easy to go with what shows up! I've done (and still do) plenty of resisting in my own life when things don't go the way I prefer. 

When I eventually realise it's futile and do my inner work, it is just so freeing to welcome and accept 'what is'. 

This week I share with you my thoughts about how we can have huge doubts before embarking on a healing journey. That means we delay taking steps towards our vision. It's very common, - if this happens to you, you're not the only one. 

And if that's something you'd like to address for yourself, there's a mini-offer for you below. 

On a Business Note: 

Clearing the Path to Healing

"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." 
~ Caroline Myss ~

Sally: “I want to get over this issue. But I’m afraid this (EFT/Meta/coaching) won’t work for me.”

Or said in another way: "I want this thing. But I don't know if I'll actually get it. So it'll be easier not to try. I will only start if I know I'll be successful." 

Does it sound familiar? 

You REALLY want to lose the weight, or heal your digestive issue, or stop scrolling so much on social media, or start exercising, or [fill in your own long-standing issue]… but you just don’t think it’s possible. You’ve had it for so long, and have tried so many things that didn’t work, that now seems unattainable. 

It’s very, very common, dear . I’ve been there, too. 

Over the years, I’ve seen at least three different aspects involved here for someone like Sally:  

• Belief that it’s possible for anyone to heal/ get over the condition
• Belief that it’s possible for Sally herself to heal / get over any condition problem (there’s often a sense of ‘Nothing ever works for me’)
• Belief that it’s possible for her to get over / heal this condition or problem (a combination of the first two)

What’s underneath that? 

We acquire our beliefs about what’s possible for us in a plethora of places. 

There’s our personal history and background, and then there are cultural and societal convictions and beliefs. All of them can feel totally like ‘the truth’ for us (even though they’re not true for others). 

(1) Our personal experience:

Our subconscious mind stores everything that happened to us before this moment, and it keeps record of all our apparent ‘failures’. It does this for good reason: to keep us safe. 

Example: Every time Sally tried going on a diet and didn’t lose the intended number of pounds (for whatever reason), added to the belief that “It’s impossible for me to lose weight.” The ‘weight’ of the number of failures become so heavy that it’s very hard for her step into yet another promising weight loss program. 

Looming failure feels all too real. Why on earth would she want to set herself up for another failure? It's safer not to. 

(2) Cultural/societal beliefs:

From the moment we’re born (before that even) we’re fed statements and ‘truths’ from every angle all day, every day. 

Our parents believed certain things, and as children we had no choice but to believe it too. We heard and saw information that we could not filter out. Magazines, newspapers, news channels, social media, online articles, books, TV programs, friends, family, church, spiritual organizations, authority figures, teachers, medical personnel…. Every single one of those fed us information which was their truth – and it became ours for our safety and survival. 

As small children (before the age of 6), all those pieces of information went in as ‘the truth’. If mom complained about it being hard to lose weight, little Sally had no filters or experience to know whether it was true for everyone, all of the time, or just for mom, this time… so her little developing brain hears that as ‘the truth’ and that may become Sally’s truth, too. 

And so it goes for all the programming we receive from others, along the way. 

(3) Diagnoses and Dr Google shock

In many households, children are taught from early on to respect medical opinions. If the doctor says, “You have such and such a condition, and there’s nothing we can do, no cure, we will just manage the symptoms”, we take that for the truth. 
We’re in a vulnerable, shocked state when we hear news pertaining to our health… and again, what is said in that moment (in a shocked, frozen, fearful state) goes into the subconscious mind as ‘the truth’. 

When we read Dr Google about our health condition, it can create so much fear. Yes, the information can be helpful to support us to find out more about a condition. And I have more often seen how it induces fear, terror, anxiety and hopelessness. Again – in that state of mind, all that stuff goes in as "I’ll never get over this, it says so here in black and white. It’s printed. It must be true."

There are so many examples of programming we contend with before we even start on a healing journey. I’m sure you’re starting to get the picture. All of it leads to beliefs about what’s possible for humans in general, and for us as an individual.

And another thing: Quickly, please!

Usually when a client like Sally arrives with a condition they’ve had for a while, it’s at the point where they’re desperate for change. They’ve tried all the routes so far. Self-help, crystals, writing a letter and burning it, cutting cords, the medical route, diets of all kinds, naturopaths, homeopaths, exercise, massage, physiotherapy, chiropractic, energy healing … and still, the issue stubbornly persists with small patches of relief. 

It would be completely understandable that this poor soul wants something that shifts the condition fast. They’re desperate for relief and a miracle would be very welcome! Expectations are high  - “Can you do this quickly please?” is an unspoken expectation. 

What do I tell Sally about this expectation? 

First, I'm not a healer - all healing is self-healing, and she needs a willingness to explore the factors that contributed. And second, this is a huge amount of pressure for us to sit with. In every session, she’ll expect a miracle and be disappointed if it doesn’t happen. It's also a lot of undue pressure for the practitioner - who usually has experience with longstanding conditions and knows Rome (the condition) was not built in a day. Third - pressure and stress are not great healing foundations and companions. It shifts us into the stress response again, where the body cannot do it's healing work. 

Where do we Start? 

So guess where we start, despite the pressure and desperation for instant relief?

 
It’ll be of very little use to start working on the issue (e.g. a liver condition, losing weight or a relationship pattern), if Sally still believes, 

“It’s impossible for me to get over this.” 

A belief like that is like a massive boulder on the path to her healing. We simply can’t start working on the condition and underlying root causes until this boulder is out the way. 

So that’s where we start. 

We first work on the belief that it’s possible for her, for any human, to overcome this condition. And we do that in a variety of ways. 
 

We look for where and how she learned what’s possible. Who told her she can’t heal this? What has she heard or read? What has the doctor or other authority said? What did mom say? What experiences has she had to ‘prove’ that she can’t? 

We’ll work through those systematically with EFT (tapping) to clear the emotional attachments to all or many of those.  What we need is an opening in the dense forest of ‘its not possible’. We start carving a little pathway over, or through that boulder – so that we can get to the root cause of the condition. 

Then, there is an additional element I’d like to bring in here to round out the picture. 

The Six Stages of Change

There’s a beautiful model that describes the stages of change that humans go through, before they are ready to make a change. Healing something like a health condition or cultivating new habits will inevitable mean change. And that is one of the things that most humans are not very fond of. Our brains and nervous systems are energy-saving mechanisms and prefer things to stay the same – so we can do things on automatic pilot, and not spend unnecessary energy. 

There are six Stages to the change process. I’ll name them briefly. 

The Six Stages: 

One: Pre-Contemplation: I’m not even considering working on this issue. People say I have a problem, but that’s their problem! 

➡️ Two: Contemplation: I’m thinking about working on this issue but it feels so unsafe! What if it doesn’t work? I need certainty! People can we stuck in this stage for years. 

➡️ This is the stage where the beliefs are sitting: "I’m not ready, I can’t do it, it won’t work, nothing works for me, I need to know it will work before I start, other people can do it but I can’t. It’s not safe to work on this. It’s too complicated. It’ll take too long."

Three: Preparation: Starting to put things in place to make it possible to step into it. Searching out a coach, paying for a program. 

Four: Action: Making the changes. Different eating habits, going to bed earlier, drinking more water, working with an EFT (or other) coach, doing what’s required. There can still be hesitance but we’re taking action!  So EFT is still useful for every step we take. 

Five: Maintenance: Ooh, this is going well, I’ve nailed it. Coasting along. 

Six: Termination. The change is complete. I no longer have the problem. 

or Relapse: Oh dear, I’ve relapsed, I’ve gone back to my old self! 

Then, we can go one of two ways: Get back on the horse and go back to one of the previous phases (Contemplation, Preparation, Action), or proclaim it ‘Yet another failure’, and give up. 

How can EFT help? 

What we can do with EFT is move us one stage further along, no matter where we are in the Stages of Change Model.

We cannot always start with full belief that healing is possible for us, and that’s okay. We start where we are, and we work on those beliefs/thoughts that are keeping us from moving forward with our healing plan. EFT is marvellous and very gentle with that.  

There’s no judgement for any of these stages. They’re there for every human being, regardless of the topic for change. Some of us move through them faster or slower than others. That’s okay. We’re each unique with our own history that shaped us into the way we are today. 

EFT helps us clear the way to get closer to the Preparation, Action and Maintenance stages, and it also helps us to get back on the horse in the Relapse stage.

 
Check for yourself: 

If you’re battling with a condition and want to work on it, check where you are on the belief-scale. Whether it’s about your health, money, relationship issue, habits, state these sentences and rate how true they each feel (True = 10, False = 0):

• It’s possible for anyone (others) to get over / heal this.
• It’s possible for me to get over / heal this.
• I can get over this. 
• I deserve to get over it.
• I will know who I am without this issue.
• It’s 100% safe to get over this.

Then ask yourself: 

Who told me? Where did I learn that? What experience(s) taught me that? (The answers will not be logical. That's normal.)

Now, you have a ‘tappable issue’ as Gary Craig (creator of EFT) used to say. And you can use those as targets to use EFT to discharge the emotion and attachments to those. 

If you want personal support to work on your belief that it’s possible for YOU to make progress on your challenge, you might be interested in the offer below. 

Love hearing from you! 

Have you experienced these show-stopping thoughts like "I need to know it's going to work before I start"? Did you recognize some of the Stages of Change Model in your own life?