"When we are no longer able to change a situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves."
- Victor Frankl -
Noticing the Strain
For a while now, I’ve noticed that I’m
more stressed: I'm carrying more on my shoulders and there’s a reluctance to sit at my computer to work on my business.
My mom, who has had Parkinson's disease for 13 years, is deteriorating fast this year. It’s a shock and sad for all of us. It's been hard… myself and my sister need to constantly make new plans for things that used to be simple, and we are dealing with many changes and challenges.
Shifting Roles and New Responsibilities
Mom is now mostly in
a wheelchair, and recently her carers have had start transferring her between bed, wheelchair and chair in new ways. She's also gaining weight because she can't exercise, so we need to buy her new clothes, but no one nearby could help with that. She’s lost so many of her dear friends who used to help with that kind of thing recently, through illness and death.
My mom used to be very organised and a planner of note… she still did her own grocery orders every week, and took care of all
the prolific medical aid communications to organise all her various medications.
All of it is getting harder or impossible for her, and my sister and I, who both live far away, will have to take over those tasks.
Life Without the Help We Once Had
I've been trying to squeeze all these responsibilities, plus our veggie garden and house chores – into the ‘cracks’ between clients and working on my business. In South Africa, we had our wonderful
domestic worker, Sarah, twice a week. She took care of every little household task, and Frans looked after the garden every Saturday. What bliss... I didn't fully appreciate those blessings then!
Here in the UK, we don't have that help anymore – it’s 10 times the price (£20 per hour, as opposed to £25 per day!)
When Identity Meets Exhaustion
Since 2008, my business has been my main focus in life. I recently realised how much of my identity is
tied up in this 'toddler' of mine. It doesn't always do what I want it to, it throws fits in the middle of the supermarket, and I can't get it to behave the way it ought to! 😆😂
I also derive a lot of joy, fulfilment, satisfaction, pleasure and so many more blessings from this often-gorgeous toddler.
So I sometimes noticed I annoyance, irritation or resentment when mom needed help during my work day... or when it was taking me 30 minutes to explain
something that used to be simple for her to understand. I felt it was taking me away from what I 'should' focus on.
But, that's not who I want to be either... the workaholic who never has time for their family and other important life areas.
Re-evaluating What Matters
So, after feeling guilty for too long and talking with a few dear, wise colleagues and practitioners, I realised that other areas of life and my main relationships are just as
important... if not more so. I doubt I'll lie on my death bed one day and think "If only I'd worked harder".
With support, it finally sunk in that my bandwidth is not wide enough for a full-time (5 days a week) business at this point. I wouldn’t be doing myself or my precious clients a favour if I showed up with subpar focus.
A Difficult yet Conscious Decision
It’s been so hard and has taken much thinking and tapping for me to even say
this:
I've decided to cut back a little on my business to be more present for my mom. She may not be here for many more years (or even months, we just don’t know), and she needs more of my time and attention.
This decision wasn't easy and has taken much careful consideration. As a person with high ‘Achiever/Responsibility’ (CliftonStrengths) and a Generator (Human Design), I absolutely love working hard, making goals and working towards them, ticking boxes and
feeling accomplished.
Yet in the last few weeks especially, it hasn't felt as satisfying. I was slower to focus and had less inspiration and motivation.
Creating a More Sustainable Rhythm
With help from a practitioner, I finally realised it's not sustainable (or enjoyable) to keep pushing myself so hard, and expecting all of it to still go well.
This is what I teach, I realised... all the aspects of our lives need to be
in alignment for wellness and health. I can't teach one thing and live another!
Therefore, for now, I'm going to experiment with focusing on my business only two to three days a week. Until I have a new insight or realisation.
We can only really know if something will work for us when we give it a chance.
Overthinking and analysis paralysis are only too familiar for me, yet this time I know to put some action behind my thoughts...To test it
out, and readjust when I have more information.
Navigating Uncertainty
There are so many uncertainties ahead for our family. I will need to be in South Africa to renew my passport there soon. I have yet to decide when that visit will be. Usually, we go over December/January (summer in SA, winter in UK). But this year, that feels too long into the future. I've had a gentle internal nudge to go sooner.
I might need to go very suddenly
because mom has a bit of heart trouble as well.
Because of all this uncertainty, I'm rethinking how I work with clients. One of the options: I might offer one-off sessions for new clients instead of only longer-term commitments.
Reassurance for Current Clients
If you’re a current client in a program, not to worry – everything carries on as usual! And you’ll be the first to know when a visit to SA will happen, so we can plan around
that.
Reason for Sharing
This is all very personal - why would I be sharing this with you?
Because I believe we all grow together, and can learn from each other. I've had so much help and support over the years from mentors, colleagues, friends who got me out of stuck and difficult places.
I share because something here might be helpful to you if you're ever in the same position - where life brings you different circumstances, and you have to adapt and make changes that were not necessarily what you chose.
Reflection Questions for you:
If you’re navigating a season of change or more emotional demands, you might find it helpful to reflect on some of these questions:
- What or who feels most important to
honour right now — even if it doesn’t “look productive”?
- Are there any commitments I’ve taken on that no longer match my energy, values, or circumstances?
- Where in my life do I feel overextended or resentful — and what does that tell me?
- What would simplifying actually look like for me, in small, realistic ways?
- What fears or stories make it hard for me to step back, ask for help, or change direction?
- What new rhythm
might feel more sustainable or kind, given where I am right now?
- Can I release old roles or expectations that no longer serve me — with compassion?
- What assumptions or old identities might be ready to soften or shift?
(PS - would it be helpful to you to have these questions in a beautiful document where you can journal about them? Do let me know! It's one of the ideas brewing for me - to create more small digital offers that would help
move you forward in do-able baby steps.)
