"Life is not a solo act. It’s a huge collaboration,
and we all need to assemble around us the people
who care about us and support us in times of strife.”
- Tim Gunn -
This past Monday tested every little piece of my nervous system.
My mom (who lives with advanced Parkinson’s) has three carers who rotate in two-day shifts. One of them, Lungi, has been with her for almost three years. She’s more than a carer; she’s a companion, a source of laughter, and a gentle bright spot in my mom’s increasingly limited world. She takes my mom outside, plays cards with her, takes her for short walks, and brings life
back into days that are otherwise medically heavy.
On Monday morning, we learned that Lungi had suddenly resigned. Not because she wanted to, but because her husband became ill and now needed full-time care. She agonised over the decision, torn between her love for my mom and the serious nature of her own reality.
My sister and I understood completely. And yet… we also felt the tectonic plates shift beneath us. I was instantly nauseous with anxiety when I
heard this news.
The pressure arrived so quickly...
How do we tell my mom?
Will she feel abandoned?
How will she manage this loss and grief?
How do we manage the transition?
How do we do this gently?
And on top of that, my husband and I were due to leave home within two hours. I still needed to pack.
My nervous system was frazzled and it was only 11 am.
The Moment That
Changed Everything
I immediately felt the old, familiar weight of my CliftonStrengths theme Responsibility kick in:
“I have to fix this.”
“I have to make the right decision.”
“I can’t let anyone down.”
And then my sister — bless her heart! — said two simple sentences:
“We’ll figure this out, step by step. You’re not alone in this.”
I must admit, those
words landed like medicine. I felt relieved, and so much safer.
I didn’t have to carry this alone, or make the “perfect decision”... and I didn’t have to hold everyone’s emotional wellbeing in my two hands.
Her steadiness, her Adaptability (from CliftonStrengths), her presence…
it all softened the edges of a horrible morning.
I felt deeply, deeply grateful.
A Second Circle
of Support
Later, in the midst of the chaos, a dear friend messaged, asking if I still wanted to meet for our usual Focusmate check-in.
At first I said no — too much going on, too much pressure, too many decisions.
But then I heard the soft inner voice: “Actually, I could use some calm companionship right now.”
We chatted for just a few minutes, and then we both carried on with something practical and
physical: Me ironing clothes for the trip, while she did her weekly physical strength exercises.
That's all I could manage mentally; it brought me back in my body and I wasn't alone. It provided another tiny pocket of regulation in the middle of an unpleasant storm.
A Third Reminder: Other People Are Incredibly Capable
One more layer of this day: I had to tell my darling colleague and friend, Emma, that I would not be able to attend our
Meta-Consciousness Q&A. We co-host it every two months, and cancelling felt awful.
I was far too stressed, scattered, teary, shaken, and nowhere near ready to support others with serious health issues.
Guess what?
Emma ran the call beautifully — gracefully, competently, warmly. Plus, she likely welcomed the opportunity to step into her own leadership.
This outcome surprised me, and also taught me
something I didn’t expect:
People are far more capable than I sometimes give them credit for.
And I don’t have to hold everything together. I can trust others to do a brilliant job. What a darn relief!
The Gold I Found in a Very Hard Day
Sitting with it afterward, here’s what stood out for me:
1. My sister’s words gave me deep safety
I felt held.... not alone. Not responsible for
“the perfect solution" all by myself.
2. I don’t have to carry the emotional and practical responsibility for everyone
It’s not mine alone and actually it never was. I can make better choices now that I'm more aware of it.
3. Small bits of support matter
A five-minute chat and some ironing with a calm friend kept me grounded, when all I wanted to do was run.
4. Other people are
astonishingly capable
Emma led beautifully without me. She didn’t “need” me in the way I'd imagined.
5. Support is not optional — it’s essential
Especially for Highly Sensitive Souls. And that forms the message I want to leave you with…
In difficult moments filled with pressure, we are allowed to — and we should — lean on each other.
We’re not meant to hold everything together
alone. Sometimes someone else’s nervous system is exactly what helps ours find solid ground again.
Questions for you
Where do you find your support? Can you make a list of those you can contact for a brief check-in or even a bit of ironing or exercise over a Zoom call?
Interested in a series of EFT support calls for Caregivers?
This is so deeply alive for me and I'd love to form a circle of
support. We will start in mid-January. I'm considering 4-6 calls to give us a chance to release emotions, share, co-regulate, build community, feel supported and less alone with ongoing difficult situations.
