“There are only four kinds of people in the world:
Those who have been caregivers. Those who are currently caregivers.
Those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver.”
- Rosalyn Carter -
“Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know possible.”
- Tia Walker -
I recently spent five weeks in South Africa with my mom, who’s now 83 and living with Parkinson’s. It was a
visit filled with both tenderness and challenge — moments of deep love, and others of helplessness, frustration, and fatigue.
Challenges
One of the hardest days was mom's birthday, the 17th of September. I had planned to take her out to lunch, to make it a light, joyful day. She absolutely loves a place called 'The Waffle House', close to her Retirement Village.
But Parkinson’s had other plans. Her symptoms were
difficult that day, and she wasn’t well enough to go anywhere. I tried everything I could to lift her spirits — fetching her favourite meal from the Waffle House, buying flowers and a special gift from me and my siblings... and still it was so very hard not to be able to take away all her distress.
Another challenge was the constant change of carers.
Three lovely women rotate, but a new one had just started, and Mom was terrified she might be unkind,
or treat her in impatient ways. She’s so sensitive to harsh tones or grumpiness, and afraid of conflict. Instead of speaking up about her needs, she tends to withdraw.
One night, she was truly scared, in tears of fear.... and I could feel her lifelong, ingrained fears squeezing her whole being. I wished I could take them away, but some things we simply can’t fix for those we love.
The other side of the coin
And yet,
amid the many challenges, there were moments of tender beauty and grace.
Like the day we both burst out laughing when a balloon she tried to blow up exploded right in her face.... First the shock, followed by belly laughter - all of which released days of tension for both of us.
Or the evenings we spent reading a little spiritual piece together after she’d been tucked into bed. Those few minutes were tender, calm, and deeply connecting.
On my last day, we
agreed that there would be no more tasks (they were relentless); only time together. I sat with my crochet work, while Mom worked on a pair of trousers. Just sitting peacefully side by side. It felt communal, simple, and quietly joyful.
My Learnings
I was reminded of a few things through this visit:
I am strong enough to face the hard days; yet I need help sometimes and it's better to ask sooner than later;
and time alone and walks by the sea are non-negotiable for my wellbeing.
I learned (yet again) that my limits are real and deserve to be honoured before I reach breaking point.
I experienced (yes, again) that EFT tapping, especially with a skilled person, helps me return to calm when I feel stretched thin.
I tapped by myself most days, and sometimes it was more effective than others. The last Sunday morning I sat in the
car at the beach at 8 am, tapping with a very skilled colleague, because there was no privacy anywhere else. It was an absolute life saver!
Caring for someone we love can open our hearts, and also stretch them. It’s a tender dance between love, limits, and letting go.
Perhaps you, too, are walking that line of giving deeply while learning how to refill your own cup.
If so, I hope you’ll pause today to take a breath, feel your
strength, and remember that your care matters — including the care you give yourself.
Even if this topic is not alive for you, feel free to reply and just say hello. I love hearing from you!
