Last time, I shared how choosing a simple “word of the day” supported me during my time with my mom. I want to share a few deeper insights today.
As the weeks went on during that period, I started noticing something else.
The word I chose each morning wasn’t something I had to grip tightly or remember all the time. It was more like something I could come back to, when I remembered.
And sometimes it felt as if it was already there in my future, patiently waiting for me to arrive.
I started realising those 6 weeks with my mom was not only about supporting her, but also about my own growth journey. And my ‘word’ often touched on the deeper layers of my own layered patterns.
Two examples of deeper support
One of the words I chose was:
Boundary.
By
that point, I was feeling truly worn out. The kind of tiredness that seeps into everything. I sometimes did not even feel like going for my morning ‘Vitamin Sea’ because of the bone-tiredness. Yet I always did go, because my brain knew it was restorative.
I could feel how easily I was slipping back into doing too much, staying too long at my mom’s house (I stayed and slept in a friend of mom's gorgeous flat), and putting my own needs to one side without even realising
it. All so familiar from previous trips.
That morning, sitting at the sea, I brought in a simple sentence to support me:
“My needs matter too. I need space, and that is allowed.”
It felt deeply relieving to consider those words as I jotted them down - the ‘allowed’ part especially.
That day, I allowed myself to enjoy a slower beach walk and then a leisurely breakfast at the beach-Wimpy. I arrived at
mom’s an hour later than usual. As a result of listening to my needs, I had more patience for hers.
Then in a surprising turn, mom shared with me that she was worried about me… she thought I looked tired. (She is so perceptive, it’s hard to hide anything from her... I am guessing she is an HSP, too.)
Her concern miraculously opened up the possibility to say to her,
“I want to help you to relax about me. And therefore I
PROMISE to take very good care of myself. And that’s why, this afternoon, I’m going to the flat to have a rest.”
She accepted that with relief – she did not have to continue carrying my wellbeing on top of her own troubles.
So off I went to my bedroom for the afternoon, closing my ears and eyes to the world. Oh, the bliss of enjoying an afternoon in silence!
Because I took care of my own need for space, silence and breathing
room, I had a bit more capacity to listen and be there for her later.
The next day, I clean forgot to choose a word. And how wonderful that my nervous system was still tuned into ‘boundary’ and permission … I was so chuffed when I found myself on the bed again for another restful afternoon nap.
How wonderful that the word that 'chose me' created the space for me to explain to mom I needed a rest. It felt like a
miracle.
On top, not underneath
Another word I chose was:
Buoyancy.
It’s a word I hardly ever use, and it just felt right that day.
There were so many too-much moments. Challenges with carers who resigned while I was there, new ones starting, not finding their feet, more changes… I was dreading another roller coaster on this day. And this word gave me a way to stay with those moments without getting
pulled under by them.
I held a quiet phrase in mind: “I float through this moment.”
I didn’t need to make anything change. I imagined bobbing up and down on the waves, and not sinking. And oh my gosh, I needed that a few times on a few different occasions!
Looking back
When I look back now, I can see that this practice became something steadying. Simple and imperfect, yet so valuable.
It was a way of staying
connected to myself in the middle of everything that was happening. And it was supporting my progress with the deeper patterns I’ve been shifting for many years.
There was a little more space inside my experience. A little more kindness towards myself. A little less pressure to manage and control everything ‘perfectly’.
If you feel drawn to this, you might like to try it in your own
way.
Here are a few ideas to get started:
A reflection
You might like to sit quietly with one or two of these:
- What feels most present for me right now?
- Where am I stretching myself beyond what feels sustainable?
- What kind of support would feel kind today?
A journaling invitation
If you’d like to write, you could begin
here:
- The word that feels supportive for me right now is…
- When I sit with this word, I notice…
- One small way I could allow this into my day is…
A few EFT phrases you could try
If you’d like to tap along, you could use something like this:
Side of the Hand: “Even though I’ve been carrying a lot, I’m open to finding a gentler way through today.”
And then
move through the EFT points with phrases like:
- “All that I’ve been holding”
- “This tiredness / this pressure”
- “Letting there be a little more space”
- “Allowing some support”
- “Taking this one moment at a time”
- Make this your own, just say what comes to mind. And tapping in complete silence is fine, too.
If you want a few minutes of guided tapping with me, I offer free tracks on InsightTimer and on Youtube.
I truly feel we all need a lot more gentleness as we’re navigating a very fast-changing world. May there be a way in which you can offer yourself kindness, so that it can spill over to
others.
I do love hearing from you. Please let me know if you have questions, or tried it.
