“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
– Margaret J. Wheatley
Unexpectedly, a business exercise I did recently, became a lesson in self-compassion. Before
this, I looked at my 'business results' with judgy eyes.
I’m hoping that something here will lead you to more kindness for yourself, too.
Background
As any good business owner should do, I spent a few weeks updating spreadsheets that track my income, newsletters, subscribers, and yearly business patterns going back to 2019. Blush, I only did this in April – a quarter into the year. In previous years, I had this task completed before the New
Year’s first sunrise was but a glimmer.
2026 started in a strange and difficult way for me. November 2025 to January 2026 were incredibly difficult months, mostly due to my mom’s rapid and unexpected decline. Therefore, all the usual things (like year-end-reflections, learning from the past) felt far too much and I left it undone.
What I noticed brought compassion
Through this exercise, I discovered there’s something surprisingly revealing about looking
back over many years of business numbers.
I wasn’t looking at only income-expenses-numbers anymore. I realised I was actually looking at my life!
Thankfully, part of me truly enjoys this sort of thing. I love systems. I like seeing patterns over time. I was a computer programmer for 8 years. Spreadsheets are enjoyable for me.
And then - there’s another part of me that avoids opening them for months because I already know they’re
going to stir up thoughts and feelings I’d rather avoid! (Hello, old ‘Not good enough’ friend…)
This time it was different, though.
Instead of dividing the years into “successful” and “unsuccessful,” I started noticing something that brought me a lot of compassion for myself. And for other human beings living with expectations and demands on them, too.
I saw with beautiful clarity that my business followed my
capacity very closely.
Through all those declining-numbers-years, I still cared deeply about my clients and my work. But there’s a difference between caring about something and having the internal resources to keep carrying it well.
What changed things is not having enough emotional and mental bandwidth to keep holding all of it: mother, clients, business and all that goes with it.
A small Overview
In 2022, my business had
its strongest year since I started in 2006.
And when I looked back at that season, I could see why. I had more energy available for my own life back then. No big demands from outside. More room in myself to support clients well, write consistently, and show up fully in my work. Even though, strangely enough, it was the year that my father passed away.
In 2023, I started a long and demanding training course in Meta Consciousness™.
I loved most
parts of it with my whole heart. But - it also took a huge amount of focus and emotional energy. Looking back now, I can see my business income beginning to decline a few months later. Not because I stopped caring about my work, but because so much of my attention had shifted into learning, processing, and keeping up with the demands of the course itself.
More Pressure
Then came 2024. Oh boy. Big learning here.
I took on a project that drained me far more than I
expected it to.
You know those situations where you keep trying to convince yourself something is fine, while another part of you is exhausted by it?
“I can do this, I know I can, it shouldn’t be that hard….” But I had to force myself to sit down to do the things, felt drained afterwards, and hated the time I spent on it. Hoping for it to get better… alas.
Throughout the year and afterwards, I could see the effect on my
business numbers too. A painful lesson in what to say no to.
More Caring Responsibilities
Then 2025 brought something entirely different. My mom began needing much more support and care.
Caregiving changes us so much, even when it’s done with huge love and compassion.
On the one hand there’s the practical side. More demands on my time, more tasks to do (some hard, some easy but not stuff I enjoy), and organising someone else’s life
(when it’s hard enough keeping up with my own!).
But there’s also the constant mental and emotional load that sensitive souls can carry.
The vigilance. The awareness in the background all the time. Wondering what might happen next. Carers resigning that my mom loved and depended on, worrying how she would respond. Mom getting so confused that we couldn’t have phone conversations. Me not sleeping for weeks, absolutely exhausted from the
hypervigilance. Constantly checking my phone to see if she needed anything. Holding things together emotionally while still trying to function normally in everyday life.
Again, the decreasing numbers in my trusty spreadsheets reflected it. And strangely, seeing that helped me forgive myself.
And 2026?
I’m feeling much more settled after the February-visit with my mom. Systems are in place, I'm trusting them more. I've made some peace with the situation and
am starting to feel more internal capacity… and guess what? I’m already seeing it in my spreadsheets.
Failure or Success?
This exercise helped me to stop interpreting every downturn as failure, or as proof that I wasn’t disciplined enough or working hard enough. I could clearly see that my business responds to the reality of my life, not to my ideals about what I should be able to push through.
That was the clearest pattern of all.
My
business does not respond well to pressure or trying to control it. It responds to true capacity.
It grows when I have enough space inside myself to think clearly, connect with people, create, support clients, and recover properly afterwards.
I know that probably sounds obvious when written out plainly like this.
And I think many sensitive people still live as though they should be able to override exhaustion indefinitely. As
though strain, overwhelm, grief, stress, or emotional depletion shouldn’t affect their output if they’re “trying hard enough.”
At some point though, the body tells the truth.
I still care deeply about supporting sensitive souls through my work. That hasn’t changed. But I’m becoming more honest about what I can sustainably carry, and the conditions my work needs to grow.
Pressure… or genuine Capacity
I discovered over many months that
pressure isn’t the answer for me. Burnout certainly isn’t either.
Neither produces good work, nor the life I want to live.
What does help is having enough energy to feel engaged with my work again. Enough room to think creatively. Enough stability in myself to support people well without depleting my own resources in the process.
Enough room to be human.
My message for you
And maybe that’s the real reflection I wanted to
share today.
A slower or harder season does not automatically mean you’re failing. Please don't jump to that conclusion!
Sometimes your energy has simply been needed somewhere else.
Sometimes life asks for your attention in places that will never show up neatly on a business spreadsheet. Family. Health. Learning. Grief. Change. Survival.
I’m learning that the kinder response is to notice those patterns honestly,
instead of turning them into self-criticism and cracking the whip even harder.
I love hearing from you!
Have you noticed patterns in your life that lead to changes in your capacity for business or employment?
